Being Head of Finance might not have been what you signed up for in life, your marriage and certainly inconceivably after divorce. But somehow, by default, the responsibility now rests squarely on your shoulders. We are not born with any skills in money management. But we do have the ability to succeed against all the odds. Now that the finances are firmly in your hands, see it as a bonus and not a burden.
Changing spending habits
Perhaps in the past you never thought about it, but losing track of spending may have been the norm. Especially, as the tab was picked up by the ex-spouse. Or, you relied on joint incomes. But your spending must now fit into what you have. There is often a niggling thought that it’s not going to work out for me? Will my spending get out of control? Will I be penniless, and worse still, will I have to run cap in hand to the ex-partner. Forging a future for yourself and your children, needs you to be at peace with money.
There are five big negative beliefs when dealing with money after divorce:
1. Fear of not managing – limited self belief that you will not cope
2. Fear of not having enough – what you have will run out and not meet the family’s needs
3. Fear of not being good with money – having never been affirmed or trusted, you believe you must be rubbish with it
4. Fear of living a poor existence – believing that you will live a poverty life without a partner
5. Fear of change – inability to accept that change has happened, and being afraid to embrace new and positive things that are within your grasp.
Fear plays such a big part in the ‘what ifs’ after divorce. Be comforted in knowing there is an answer to every ‘what if’ which is deep rooted in fear, whatever it may be. The practical side of managing finance will always need to be addressed ie paying bills when they’re due and not neglecting it. Being fully aware of your financial obligations is one of the keys to spare you from the taunts of fear. This can be structured very easily in a way that takes the pressure off you and your time.
After divorce, comes the time to really take care of and develop you, as a whole person – your self esteem and confidence needs to be raised, a zest for life needs rediscovering. You cannot turn back the hands of time, (neither would you want to). But with gusto you can live an inspired, affirmed, empowered, fulfilled life, attracting people towards you that support and care for you.
And now finance, must never be the stumbling block that stands in the way of that. What do you want from life? What do you aspire to achieve? Perhaps it’s something you are yet to discover. May the journey of finding out, be kind and rewarding.